If you have been served divorce papers, preserve the complete packet, look for deadlines and orders, and obtain timely legal help in your jurisdiction. Do not assume every page can wait until morning.
You may still be standing where the papers reached you. A stranger said your name. You recognized hers on the first page. Now you want to call her and ask whether she understands what she has done.
First, understand what is in your hands.
Keep the complete packet together
Keep every page and envelope. Make a legible copy for your records. Note when and how you received it. Write down what you do not understand so you can ask someone qualified.
A petition, a proposed agreement and an issued court order are different documents. Do not assume they have the same effect because they arrived together. Ask a local family-law attorney, legal aid service or court self-help office how to identify and address the requirements that apply.
Separate compliance from agreement
You do not have to negotiate a voluntary settlement at the moment you receive papers. You do have to take applicable requirements seriously. “I need advice before agreeing to this proposal” is different from refusing to comply with an order or allowing a response deadline to pass.
Do not rely on a blog for the number of days you have. Give the actual papers to the person advising you. If something appears urgent, seek help promptly rather than waiting for a routine appointment.
Keep the emotional response out of the procedure
An angry message will not explain the packet. Neither will a promise to give her everything if she withdraws it. Let the legal questions go through the appropriate channel, and take the immediate shock to someone you trust.
If children are present, keep the papers and the adult argument out of their hands. Make sure their immediate care is covered.
If a safety issue or contact restriction is involved, act accordingly. Do not assume you may stay, return, call or meet because that was the arrangement yesterday.
Make the next step specific
Write: who I will contact, what I will send, and what must be checked first. Arrange support if you cannot concentrate well enough to organize the packet. You remain responsible for following through, but you do not have to manage the shock alone.
The packet deserves your attention. It does not require an emotional negotiation with your wife tonight.
Related: Before you agree to a deal · The first night
PUT THIS TO WORK
Your next step for Track 1
Download the free First 72 Hours Checklist (PDF).
For the longer structure, read Separation Survival Guide.
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